Happy Birthday Enzo!

My Dearest Enzo,

It's your 17th birthday!!! This year is a huge different. You are up there in heaven, and we're down here celebrating the day your dad and I received our first greatest gift... YOU! It feels like yesterday, I went to the hospital feeling the pain of you wanting to come out but the doctor said my cervix was not yet ready. I had to endure the pain a little longer. They offered me epidural but I refused. I wanted to experience the whole you. You took all the time you needed to come out. I realized now that you may be waiting for dad to get to the hospital from work because soon dad arrived they brought me to the delivery room. I had hard time. I didn't know how to push you out. I screamed but nothing. It was like you didn't want to be separated from me. The nurse helped me, she pushed you out with her arm on my tummy while I screamed you out then I heard your soft cry. It was a beautiful cry. It was music in my ears. I saw you from a far. But still you are perfect beyond my imagination. That moment when they placed you in my arms, I swear you're the best thing my hands had held. You were a tiny, snuggly, crying baby. I was tired and tears of joy made my vision blurry but I knew what I was seeing was a beautiful baby boy.

Years go by and you grew up a happy and sweet toddler. My heart melted the first time I heard you called me “Momma”. I love hearing those words from you because growing up you were so self-sufficient. You seldom called for attention. You didn't cry when you're hungry or sleepy. I had to time your milk to make sure you had enough. If you wanted to sleep you'll just grab your blankie and laid down in your crib and sleep. I had no memory of your tantrums at all. You spent most of your time playing with your train or duplo and watching Mr Bean. You also watched anime with me and dad and if we fell asleep, you slipped silently out the bedroom to go out watched Mr Bean with your “ate” (nanny). You loved weekends. It was our family day out. We'd started the day at the village clubhouse. You loved swimming and greeting the gardener, guards, cleaners and even kuya magtataho a happy morning. You had this radiant smile that makes people feel good the whole day. You made everyone around you happy. You were their favorite, they look forward seeing you around the village. We saw many of your good qualities growing up. We love the way our friends hanged out with you. You have that ability to make people fall in love with you. Anyone that knew you, knew that you were the most selfless person, you’d put everyone’s happiness before yours.

At nine years old, you started going to my volunteer activities. You joined painting the walls of EDSA, campaigning against dolphin captives with Dolphins love freedom, teach peace activities with TPBPM and going to outreach and civic programs with JCI. As young as you were, you felt belong and active. I didn’t have to look after you. You made yourself available and useful all the time. You find joy playing with kids. You never looked down at them nor choose who to play with. You didn’t mind if they’re different from you. You always find good in people. And I am so proud of you all the time.

But most of all I am proud of you as Vito’s big brother. You have been his wind beneath his wings, his role model. Vito was naturally timid, introvert boy but because he had a big brother gained the confidence to come out of his shell slowly. You guided him so well. You were patient but strict and looked after his welfare. He had the strength to do things because he had your back. He will try all the things you can do and when he is good at it, you will let him shine. I’m sorry you have to let your brother shine. I’m sorry if we relied Vito too much on you. Please know in your heart that we are very proud how you had become man of the house when dad is not around. We feel safe and secure because you were there. Not a single day, I felt scared or alone.

I hope you know that just because you’re not here, that doesn’t mean that we won’t be celebrating you. You’ve been in heaven for 135 days now and not a single day has gone by that I haven’t thinking of you. Many days are filled with a lot of tears and longing. I’ve embrace those days. I felt nearer to you with my tears. We talked about you a lot, mostly me and dad. I think Vito is still not ready to cope with his feelings of losing you. He just surround himself of your things. Your bed and chair were not left empty as he occupied them on the very first day you went back to our Creator. We told stories about you and all the fun things that we did when you were here. We talked how much you love to sing and dance and how much you love to play with the kids. You were very patient to them. You carried them and swing them around. They miss you too. Now, they call you “kuya angel”. I cried the first time Reis told me kuya Enzo is my kuya Angel. Tabibi also asked his mom, “No more hug time with kuya Enzo?”. You were not only a big brother to Vito but also to the kids in our community. I think that made Vito jealous at times. Somehow, he didn’t like sharing his big brother to others.

You were my wingman. You always had my back. You joined me in my volunteer activities, helped me with the chores at home and at work. I took the part time job as Math tutor knowing you were there to assist me. I didn’t have to worry on my rusty Math skill because you were there to solve the Math problem I brought home and explained to me step by step how you had derived with the answer. I was surprised on one of your friend’s eulogy that you made friends at school because you offered to tutor them in Math after class. I am very proud of how you had made use of your blessing to help others.

Happy Birthday my dear ahyaloves. Today is about celebrating your life and everything that made you special and deeply loved. I bet you are singing and dancing up there today. I pray that all our love and wishes from down here reach them up to you there. And if you’re reading this, I want you to know that we were trying our hardest to be joyful on your birthday. We shared stories of all the times we had as “fantastic four”. But it’s so hard not having you here. It’s not the same without you here. We miss you so much. We started the celebration last night with our household. We had your favorite blueberry cheesecake, Tita Dinah bought from Saadeddin. We had karaoke sing-along last night. And I sang with them. I sang the very first song you learned from Ninong Boyet, A Thousand Years and a lot more. Today, we had a dinner at Five Guys in Tahalia with Tito Vic and Tita Lita. We had the little cheeseburger but remember, it's not little at all, and a bunch of french fries and Vito had vanilla milkshake. Favorably, beside Five Guys is the Malith Insurance Branch, they had the self-service car insurance machine there. It was like you led us there to had our dinner so that dad has no excuse to update our car insurance. I think, oh no, I know you are looking after us. You always find ways to keep us safe and protected. It fills my heart with so much joy that even though you are not physically around we still have your back. Thank you myahyaloves.

Indeed, your birthday is a blessing as we are also celebrating the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. After lunch, Dad and I attended the online mass while Vito was in his first ROCK workshop in YFC. It reminded me of you. You were once an active YFC too. Vito may not be as active as you were in the community but I am sure you have set him a good example to follow. Please don't forget that you’ve influenced him to become an altar server too. Everyday, we thank God for your 16 wonderful years with us. You made our life better without even knowing. The ripple effect of the kindness and generosity that you had accomplished was beyond what I imagined. Your time with us may be short but it was the sweetest. We will never forget your love, your beauty, and your grace.

I love you to infinity and beyond.

Always,

Mom